Ten Necessities for the Zombie Apocalypse

Ten Necessities for the Zombie Apocalypse

So I was doing some twitter stalking (which isn’t nearly as fun as Facebook stalking) and stumbled on this blog by Kendragarden called

Top 10 Things You Would Grab From Your House During A Zombie Apocalypse!

I’m gonna take up Kendra’s challenge a month later for old time’s sake if nothing else, and I’ll pretend I’m back at my old place in the States.

The rules are as follows:

  1. You have ten minutes to grab ten things.
  2. You have to leave your house!
  3. You don’t have to grab food, toiletries, [I’m adding] or ammunition

MY ITEMS

1) Baseball bat – the metal kind, because I’m not having one of those wood suckers shatter on me with the first wave of zombies. It’s also a handy tool for breaking into places to get supplies. For melee weapons the baseball bat is it – anything sharp is bound to get stuck in zombie A and leave you exposed to zombies B-Q. It’s blunt-force trauma that’s going to do the trick in the end.

 zombies-and-baseball-bats

2) Shotgun – I don’t want a rifle or a handgun. If they’re far enough away to justify using a rifle I’m going to be sneaking past. I don’t want to bring a whole mob of zombies down on me. Once one knows you’re there, the rest will soon too. And if they’re close enough to justify using a pistol, odds are against bringing one down with any less than three or four shots. If Left 4 Dead has any pull on this game then you’re gonna be wasting a lot more rounds than that. A good old fashioned shotgun will blow them back at least, and in the best case will one-shot them and bring them down.

 

3) Mace – because at some point I’m gonna have to incapacitate someone who’s holding me back long enough for the zombies to get them and me to run for it.

 fat-guy-krispy-kreme

4) Awesome boots – I put awesome on there because I don’ t want just any boots. I’m gonna want boots that will keep infected sharp objects out of my feet, let me run when I need to run, sneak when I need to sneak, and pack a punch when I’m kicking some zombie’s head in. They need to be waterproof but breathable, worn in but durable. And ideally they’ll have a bottle opener on the bottom for those situations when you stumble on a cache of beer or old school Coke. Unfortunately I don’t have any boots with said opener at present so that might just have to be put on the wish list.

 

5) Socks – what good are those boots gonna be if I don’t have socks to change into? Dry socks man, they’ll save your life.

 

6) Sun screen/jacket with lots of pockets – depending on the time of year I’m gonna need some skin protection. And if it’s winter I’d best go with plenty of pockets to carry the swag I plunder along the way.

 

7) First aid kit – this needs no explanation, but in an ideal world it would definitely come with an extra hand grenade or two.

 

8 ) My pillow – I sleep best with a pillow, which is a fact. And you’re gonna need some good sleep if you’re gonna stay alive. While my sweatshirt makes a decent headrest, I really don’t need to bring more items than I’ve already listed so I’m bringing my dang pillow. Plus, if there are any ladies left alive I don’t want to get left out of any pillow fights on account of a lack in accessories.

 hot-girls-pillow-fight-zombies

9) Laser pointer – for all I know, zombies are as dumb as my cat. If that’s the case, I intend to use my laser pointer to distract them all and, hopefully, lead them off of a cliff. If that doesn’t work out at least I’ll still be able to blind my fellow survivors from across the way.

 

10) My phone – on the off chance that I can use cell reception to get help, awesome. But in any case I’d probably keep taking photos of the carnage and uploading it to Twitter and Facebook for posterity. Assuming all technology went down at the time, I’d at least have some tunes and said photos to show off when I made it to the safe zone. Or if nothing else, I could throw a Zombie Dance Party.

 

zombie-dance-party-YMCA

 

Of course, if allowed an 11th item it’d be a tossup between a bag to carry all of that and rope. You always end up needing rope.
White Shores on Amazon
Like this post? You’ll love my rant on 10 reasons to hate moths, or on how I respond when people ask if my book is just like Lord of the Rings. It’s not all undead around here. Feel free to take up Kendra’s challenge and post your own 10 items for the zombie apocalypse on your blog, and be sure to leave a link in the comments below.
  • Kendra Parsons

    Fan-fucking-tastic!

  • the lack of towel disappoints me, after all it is the most massively useful thing a person can carry with them

    Also i love the drawings, can you make me one for Christmas?

    • Yeah, but you can find towels all over when their owners have wandered off in an undead fashion. As for Christmas: of course

      • Sweet, btw i still havn’t gotten your SD Card