Blogs are Stupid

Blogs are Stupid

Generally speaking, I hate blogs. It’s not that there aren’t good blogs out there, because there certainly are. Take David Thorne as an example. It’s just that blogging leads to a lot of ridiculous and unnecessary garbage filling up the internet. Until Twitter rolled around, I considered it the height of narcissism.

In a way, saying I hate blogs is kind of like saying I hate magazines or sun screen. It’s too broad of a stroke. Because while perhaps I hate celebrity-worship magazines and SPF 15 (when does THAT ever suffice?), hating the medium as a whole makes very little sense. It’s kind of like saying you hate floors when it’s misaligned tiles that frustrate you.

you-hate-tile-floors

Blogs can indeed be informative, or entertaining, but they’re also a bit daunting and valueless. I’m saying all of this through a blog, for those of you who aren’t catching the irony. The thing is that when I look around and see the blogs of the world it makes me not want to join the fray. In the end I have to shove myself in front of a computer and threaten myself with beatings and withheld meals to get anything done.

Blogging is often just ego stroking. Everyone blogs. EVERYONE. Your uncle’s parakeet has a blog now. And when you see that even talking birds have blogs, you start to wonder about the inherent value of the medium. If nothing else, you start struggling with the invalidating nature of the noise.

parakeet-blog

Because the thing is: no one cares. Just because people CAN find your blog doesn’t mean they want to, nor does it mean they will. And it certainly doesn’t mean that they’re going to enjoy it when they finally do stumble on it.

There’s the “My cat did something cute today, let me write ten pages about it because YOU CARE SO MUCH” blog. Cat people tend to unite on these fronts, but after lolcatz my tolerance for feline blogging is exhausted.

cat-blogs

How about these: “An interesting thing happened to me at the store today. I noticed they don’t have peanuts in the impulse buys at the checkout. I had to go to the peanut section to get peanuts. How inconvenient!” This leads me to wonder why suicide rates are so low these days. But they continue with their story about peanuts for about a year before coming to a close with “I was forced to leave a complaint card in their complaint box. I hope they learn their lesson and move those peanuts back to the impulse buy section.”

Yes.

We all do.

What a valiant cause you have chosen to champion.

champion-of-the-peanuts

There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of this. It’s just annoying. Because while I think it’s important that we share our common experience, I don’t think it’s necessary to cover what kind of toilet paper you prefer and why.

glass-embeded-toilet-paper

It’s the same reason I resisted Twitter for so long. It’s a bunch of people saying stuff like “Today I had eggs.” And I always read it in that politically incorrect retard voice. I can’t take you or your eggs seriously.

retard-eggs

The same goes for facebook status updates and micro-blogging as a whole. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve stopped following or just flat out started to ignore because all they ever posted was “I’m tired – time for bed.”

time-to-inhale

Great freaking Scott! Everyone is tired! Everyone is going to bed! In fact, most of your limited audience never saw that asinine post because they skipped the status update and just went to sleep! My theory on this is that in order to gain some sense of validation over an otherwise meaningless existence people hope that out there, somewhere, someone is waiting for them to say something. Anything. Anything at all.

new-juicer

I have this general policy (at least with Twitter and G+ – may it actually go somewhere) that I only follow people who are legitimately interesting. I don’t do the auto-follow-back or the mass-follow, because that would ruin the whole idea of Twitter for me. Which – again, maybe this is just me – is to actually be informed and entertained. Tweets about how well your GI is faring do not count unless you’re Conan O’Brien, in which case anything you say is hilarious.

Conan-OBrian

If I have to sift through my feeds to find anything remotely interesting I’m not even going to bother using the service. And following 8million people in hopes of getting followed back only adds to the noise! How desperate for attention must you be to get sucked into a cycle of following people in hopes of them following you back? You aren’t listening to them, how much are they listening to you? Especially when so few people post anything of consequence.

pre-season-lions-tickets

I guess I could re-title this “Twitter is stupid.” But the point is that in general, no one cares about your blog or your tweets or your status updates. The important, truly profound, or entertaining things: yes. I do want to know that you got engaged. I don’t want to know that your cat has lupus.

cat-with-lupus

There are some people who just know how to put an intriguing spin on life. You may be one of those people. I’m not saying that you aren’t. I’m just saying that the majority of the internet really isn’t.

Which is why I stick to XKCD. And why I stay far away from you.

White Shores on Amazon

Feeling particularly alienated by how much I hate your blog? Fantastic. Check out more of my blog by reading why I’ll never be as famous as Nathan Fillion or how Ebola is hilarious. Or you can really stick it to me by skipping my blog entirely and just buying and reading White Shores instead.

  • Jeremy Atkins

    I got so excited when I saw that the guy got Lions tickets. That’s just because I’m from Detroit.

  • Kaarin S

    meow? hahaha

  • J on tour

    Wondering if the journey is affecting you  ! … I’m considering a short term trip myself at some point.

  • Mick Jaguar

    … … ………A year ago A girl named Kathy was hated by everyone. Everyone made fun of her. She was ignored. Even by messages. One day she decided to kill herself. Because even her parents ignored her. She jumped out her window. No one noticed utill people started disappearing. Kathy haunted them. She made them suffer like the way she did. She hung them slowly and stabbed them over and over very slowly so they could suffer like she did.
    If you don’t send this message to 15 different comments you will die tonight by Kathy. Because she considers it ignoring her.
    Example 1:
    Dave looked at the first sentence and said,”Spam”And the next day the neighbors found him in his backyard, dead.
    Example 2:
    Joane was alone. She didn’t have kids or a husband. She had a lot of friends. When She had a sleepover with them she quickly had to check her e-mail.She saw this message and sent it to only 6 people because she thought she couldn’t die that night because she was surrounded by people. The next morning Joane’s friends found her in her bathtub, dead.
    If you don’t send this, Kathy WILL find you

  • M Gennaro

    I know this post is old. But I hate blogs more today than ever. However, while hating on blogs, I really enjoyed reading yours 🙂